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I Wouldn't Trade Places
My husband and I just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. Thirteen years. Some days it seems as if we have always been together--that adolescent memories are merely detailed dreams. Other times it feels as if we were just married the other day; and I wonder, “Can it really have been thirteen years ago?!”On our wedding day, after the ceremony and as we geared up for endless photos, my Uncle hugged me and said, “Congratulations, but I wouldn’t trade places with you guys for anything in the world.” I was stunned by his comment and also offended by it. How could anyone not want to be us? We were so in love. We were young and attractive, dressed in beautiful clothing, and being surrounded by loved ones who had set aside a day of their lives to support us. Who wouldn’t trade places with us? I thought about his comment often that day and in the weeks that followed. I thought about it quite often that first year of marriage, as we struggled to learn to live together and realized that we had a lot to learn about each other. At times it was surprising how difficult marriage was. I was nineteen years old, my husband was twenty-three years old—we were naïve. We fought a lot the first year. Thankfully, we loved a lot, too. At the time, I felt that I loved Tim so much that I couldn’t imagine ever loving him more. I still could not understand my Uncle’s comment.After a couple years of early marriage, fertility treatments, miscarriages, and the adoption of our first child, I finally started to get a glimpse into why my Uncle would dare make such a comment to newlyweds. Marriage was work. It took a lot of effort and compromise to get things comfortable. The more time I spent married and the more life-altering experiences I shared with my husband, the more I loved him and felt like I was relieved to have the difficult beginning behind us. I certainly didn’t feel like I wanted to start over.Over the years, I have come to fully understand that marriage gets better with time. If you are willing to work at it, that is. It becomes a blessing of feeling secure and content. Knowing you aren’t just sharing your life with your best friend, but are sharing the joy and burden of raising children, and of worrying about finances, and sharing household responsibilities is so much more rewarding with someone you love.We have been through so much together—both good and bad. My love for my husband is deeper than I could ever have dreamed it would be, and I know that it will continue to strengthen the longer we are married. Being with him is relaxing and fun. I certainly understand him better now than when we were first married. I don’t ever have to wonder what he thinks of me, or try to act a certain way. I can be my true self. We can sit in silence on our date night and feel comfortable, or we can find endless topics to discuss and be reassured that we agree on almost everything. We don’t have to play guessing games, trying to figure out what the other one means or wants. After thirteen years, we just are. We are as one. I agree with my Uncle now. I wouldn’t trade places with any newlyweds either. They have so far to travel to get where we are.___________________________
Wendy is the homeschooling mom to 6 amazing children (with 2 more in the works). She writes about it all here: http://flippinsweet.typepad.com/. Email her at: rainbowendy@yahoo.com for the password.